Hmmmh. I don’t know what to say. There’s someone in my life that’s making me go crazy and he’s not Sunshine this time. It’s not good…I know. It’s actually bad because I don’t think it’s only one person: I think I realized that it’s 2!!! Let’s call them Tabako and Kami-Noke.
Okay so Tabako is really adorable and he makes me smile every time I see him…but there’s something about him that makes me feel as if okay yes you’re cool and nice, funny even, but you have this huge flaw that…I really dislike. If you read the name you can already tell what it is: sounds like TOBACCO…hmmmh. But if he only stopped I think I’d love him more. BAD ISN’T IT? I mean I would have never known that I would like the bad boy type but I really do and it’s freaking me out that he is a bad boy. Actually today he touched my leg…gave me thrill even if he was trying to pick up his water bottle which he was throwing around. He makes me smile so much and I’m happy to be grouped up with him even though we hardly talk. Can I just be friends with him?? That’s all I really ask…TO BE FRIENDS WITH TABAKO!
Then there’s Kami-Noke…we’ll call him Noke! He’s so funny and utterly adorable. We like to fight a little bit and we make fun of one another all the time, but I like him. I told him about something which is kind of secret (if you read it you’d think I’m a freak), and he thought wow…okay? I don’t know if I’m actually afraid of him or just wanting him more! I had another dream of him even though we didn’t really talk yesterday…this time I actually did tap him in my dream…he turned and smiled and kissed me on the cheek only for me to realize he was holding another girl’s hand! I guess I am really afraid to be with him in fear he has someone or maybe in fear that I already have someone.
Talking about being with someone else…me and Sunshine have become distant once school ended. It’s probably because his move to another school because he wants to be with his younger brother…or maybe it’s me just being drifty. I miss him, but it’s hard to resist other people when you began talking to them already and it’s only human to like someone you got to know and you think is cute. I hardly see Sunshine now and I think once he comes back to Seattle he might tell me he cheated or our relationship is over and I’d be devastated cause man our relationship hasn’t lasted that long. Even if we do break…I hope we can still be friends.
If we do break up I’m not going to get back up quickly. I’ll wait for Tabako or Noke to ask me out and that’s when I’ll tell them I’d think about it and wait for about a week depending on how long it’s been since our break up…
If we don’t break up…I hope me and Sunshine would be able to mend out breaking relationship fast or else I'll loose him quickly.
I’m so sorry for having you read the rantings of a sad girl who is very wishy washy about her men…UGH